"Remember the marvels the Lord has done." – Ps. 105:5
Today’s readings invite us to remember and ponder deeply the wonders the Lord has done through our ancestors and in our own lives. We are encouraged to love, trust, and wait patiently for the "marvels" of the Lord to unfold, particularly in times of anguish, loneliness, and hopelessness.
While contemplating on these readings, memories of painful experiences crept up. Revisiting these moments helps me to see clearly how God has transformed these challenging times into joy, love, and life.
My husband is a tennis fanatic. He eats, sleeps, and dreams with and about tennis. When it comes to this sport, everything else becomes insignificant.
I remember the many nights I had prepared dinner then waited and listened for the rattling sound of his keys. Some nights the wait would last from sundown to sunrise. I called and texted him but he didn't respond. My mind began formulating unfortunate scenarios: what if he was in a car accident? what if he was attacked or murdered, the endless "what if's" tormented my thoughts night after night. I communicated my anger, frustrations, and worries with him and asked him to please call if he was not going to be home at an expected time. Despite his promises, he continued to come home late without calling.
As days passed, the situation worsened. I thirst for an emotional, mental, and physical connection with the man I love but I was left with a sense of abandonment, invisibility, and belittlement. I prayed to God to please lift this agony from me but I was weighed down by an indescribable painful loneliness.
In the midst of hopelessness, a desire to live and live fully sprung unexpectedly and uncontrollably. I was invited to face deeper issues that had imprisoned and kept me from fully living and loving most of my life. As I worked through these issues one by one, little by little, I become more free. Free to choose life, to choose love, and to choose to be loved. What a joy it is to experience such freedom!
If I had given up on hope, love, and life while in despair, would I be able to experience the freedom and joy I have today?
I can only respond to this question with great gratitude: My Lord has awakened life in me.