Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Feast of Saint John Neuman

“God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him [or her]. In this is love brought to perfection among us” (1 Jn:16-17)

Like many people, I am afraid of many things and events that are unknown to me. Some of these examples are: 1.) When am I ever going to get a stable, full-time job? 2.) When will I find the right person to love? 3.) When will I save enough money to buy a new car or a house? Since I am sensitive, I tend to be afraid of being hurt and hurting other people. I am also afraid of seeing my sins and admitting my wrongs because I feel terrible or humiliated after being aware of the not-so-wise things that I do. I judge myself often because I expect a lot of things out of myself, but at the same time, I am afraid of being judged. A lot of the time, I am not just afraid of the future, but I am also afraid of letting go of certain good or bad memories of the past. In short, some of the events or things that I feel scared of are not tangible and are not in my control!

I noticed that some of the times that I was fearful, I tend to be afraid of revealing myself to people because I make the wrong assumptions of them due to my mistrust of myself or them. Other times, I let my fearful moments and feelings take control of me and I feel angry, mad, worry, and sad towards events or things that I could not control. However, it is through these experiences of being frightened of certain feelings, things, or events that happened or never happen that I find God’s Spirit important and necessary in my life. It is in the times of fearing of not knowing how to forgive my sins because I feel humiliated that I learn to surrender to God and allow His Love and Spirit to dwell in my poor, negative, and fearful spirits. I learn to allow God’s positive spirits to dissolve in my negative spirits of self and others, so that I may be free.

Today’s readings remind me to let go of my fears and to trust in our Lord’s love. As John mentioned in the first reading: “God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him [or her]. In this is love brought to perfection among us” (1 Jn:16-17), you and I are not perfect and probably will never be, nor were any of Jesus’ disciples perfect. But because our Lord loved the disciples and loves us, He reveals His love to us all so that we are made to perfection. We are perfect in the Lord because He loves us and we are perfect as His beloveds. When I find myself perfect in God’s eyes (because I am loved), I tend to be able to let go of negative, fearful, hurtful feelings easily. I find myself more compassionate towards others and myself because I believe that God loves others and me equally and unconditionally. It is very challenging to remain in perfection (or love) most of the time, so I ask our Lord often to help me to see and feel His love for me so that I may forgive myself or others easily. Are you willing to make the effort to remain in our Lord’s love so as to let go of your fears and learn to forgive in Him?

Loving God, most of the fearful feelings I have come mostly within me due to my lack of trust in You, others, or myself. Teach me to remain in Your love and grant me the graces to let go of my fearful feelings in order to embrace You, others, or myself with love. Teach me to trust in You and be patient for your help instead of being fearful at any uncertain/unknown moments!

Reflected by One of the Beloveds of God

No comments:

Post a Comment