Thursday, March 25, 2010

Thursday, Week 5: I Can't See, But I Will Go Anyway...

“Here I am, Lord; I come to do your will.” Psalm 40:8a

Like Mary, when I hear God calling me, I often ask “how can this be?” I perceive holes in the plan and ways for things to fail. When I pray, I want to be able to understand the response. “How can this be?” is my answer to injustices, to what I perceive as obstacles in my work, and to experiences of God’s grace. I always want to understand how and why things happen and get filled with doubt.

At first I thought this Feast of the Annunciation was teaching me to look beyond what I saw to be possible, but I realized that kept the focus on me as well. My response should not be “nothing will be impossible for me when I am attuned to God’s spirit”, but rather “nothing will be impossible for God.”

I pray for the grace to make the words of Mary’s “yes” my own. Mary probably had other ideas about how to be a faithful Jewish girl. She probably did not pray to be challenged and humiliated in the ways that she was- an unplanned pregnancy, a son who challenged the system, and watching her son be killed. When she prayed to be faithful to God’s will, I bet she never imagined what God would ask of her.

The Annunciation reminds me that God may answer my prayers (spoken or unspoken) in ways far beyond anything I could ever imagine. I pray for the courage to say “yes, Lord, I will follow where you lead me,” even into darkness and confusion.

Do I place limits on God’s grace and God’s love?
Do I desire to place myself before God in total freedom for whatever God asks of me?

reflected by Jen Horan

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